I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
