We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
