I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
