Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
