I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
