My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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