Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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