Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
