We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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