i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
