Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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