The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
