So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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