Redeem this text for a blowjob
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
