I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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