I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
