omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
