I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
