this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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