I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
