I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
