He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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