he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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