My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
