Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
