i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
