You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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