My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Come share oat with me in your robe
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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