Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
