I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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