I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
