It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
