Just fell off a train. Bad.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
