Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
