Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
