she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Randomize
