this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
