We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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