my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
