A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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