I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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