My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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