so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
