We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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