I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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