idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
