i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
