Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You have to summon your inner elephant
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
