i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
