Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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