Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We're facebook friends in real life
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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